Who's On Your Friend List?

Do words still mean things? Do we still mean it when we say someone is our "friend"? These questions take on an entirely new light when you consider sites like Facebook. I have 824 "friends" on my Facebook page. I didn't realize I knew 824 people.  But I do. Honestly. I know everyone on my friend list. Not only that, there are certainly hundreds, if not thousands, on Facebook I do know who are not on my friend list. But to these 824... can I truly say I consider all these people my friend?

What does it mean to be a friend? What are the criteria that have to be met for someone to be my friend? To be honest I've never really thought about this. Does my finding them on Facebook and "friending" them get the job done? Or should there be more to it?

In today's world I believe we have come to view friends differently than at any time before. There is a supermarket in our town that employs a lot of high school students. I'm certain the primary reason is they work for less than most adults would and are also much more easily replaced. One thing I notice when I shop there is the complete lack of temperance (for lack of a better word) when these teens speak to one another and to the customers. It's not that they are using foul language. It's that they hold nothing back. It's as if, by smiling at them, greeting them and asking how they're doing, you've instantly become their best friend. And what follows is a detailed account of their lives. In all fairness, however, I did ask how they were doing, didn't I?

I listen to these teens and feel so sorry for them. They obviously have a lot on their minds and nobody with which to share it. I have to ask myself what their home lives are like. First of all, do their parents spend time with them?  Do they truly want to know how and what their teens are doing? Do these teens have true friends... friends who, when asked, give real advice or, when not asked, simply listen? Friends who hold their conversations as sacred, never to be discussed with others and especially never to be aired out on the internet or in the classroom? Do these young people really know what a friend is?

If one is willing to spend time in the scripture the book of Proverbs has a lot to say about the qualities of a good friend.

A friend is someone who

• can keep a secret - 11:13, 12:23
• speaks the truth - 12:17-19
• loves at all times - 17:17

To the person seeking a friend wants to 

• avoid foolish persons - 14:7
• look for wisdom - 12:15
• look for faithfulness - 20:6

There are scores more you can add to each of these categories from the book of Proverbs alone.

I had lunch with one of my best friends today. David and I became best friends in Jr. High and have remained so for the past thirty plus years. David moved back to Arkansas a couple of years ago and we regularly meet for lunch. We share life stories, ups and downs, and our love for God when we visit.  We laugh... a lot. We give advice when it's sought and we don't really hold back much when we give it. That's because each of us knows the other is speaking in love with our best interests in mind.

Finding a true friend is a worthy endeavor as it will benefit you throughout your life.  However, if you yourself aren't willing to be a true friend... to be trustworthy, truthful, selfless and loving... you are likely to have great difficulty finding a true friend. Friendship is a two-way street. It must be both pursued and earned. 

If your children are still with you please make every effort to show them what a friend is. Along your parenting, they need to learn from you what it takes to be and to have a close friend. They need to learn these traits from you before they can ever properly utilize them in their own lives.

If you are a teen who is seeking a friend.  My first recommendation is that you take the book of Proverbs to heart. Let it help you to understand what your behavior should be. Then go and be a true friend... and you will have true friends.

Proverbs 18:24 - A man who has friends must himself be friendly.  But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

The Other Woman

I have a confession to make.  I'm not going to beat around the bush.  There has been another woman in my life.  It's been this way for some time now.  It starts out and you don't even think about it.  Then, years later, you realize the profound impact it has had on your marriage.

It seems like such a short time ago when Lindsey started kindergarten.  She was reading so quickly and hasn't stopped since.  I told her that learning to read was one of the greatest things you can do because once you know how to read you can learn anything.  She has long since read far more books than I ever will.

About a year ago Lindsey got her driver's license (or "dryfen lyvers" as Lacey called it).  It's a very surreal experience to see her and Lauren hop in the Expedition and drive off to band rehearsal or piano lessons or to a friend's house.

Now she's grown up!  She completed all her high school work a few weeks ago.  She's done!  Now she is hard at work pursuing her career as a writer.  At seventeen she has already been published in a Christian magazine and, this week, had the privilege of speaking to a writers group at FamilyLife.  She is now hard at work on a novel and a children's book.

By contrast, when I was seventeen I was only worried about how to put gas in my Nova!  Oh, I had some ideas of what I wanted to do but I was far from making strides in any of those directions.  Come to think of it, I've never really been that adventurous... maybe I'm a hobbit at heart.  But I'm so glad my girls are outgoing!

To quote Larnelle Harris

She's become the other woman in my life. 

She's the evidence of love between me and my wife. 

When she was a baby I held her

And as a young girl I watched her

Become the other woman In my life!

I love you Lindsey and I'm so proud of you!

Psalm 127:4-5 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of ones youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; They shall not be ashamed, But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.