What is sin... to you?

Now, if you read the post title you probably thought I was asking for your opinion of what sin is.  Well, that's not exactly it.  This post is probably going to be a bit more personal than that.  In fact, that is precisely the intent of this post... to bring the concept of sin down to a personal level.

Recently I was listening to a podcast of popular Christian apologist Ravi Zacharias.  He brought to my attention a quote from a letter Susanna Wesley wrote to her son John Wesley when he asked her what the considered sin to be. 

"Take this rule: whatever weakens your reason, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, or takes off your relish of spiritual things; in short, whatever increases the strength and authority of your body over your mind, that thing is sin to you, however innocent it may be in itself."

Now, Susanna Wesley is certainly entitled to her opinion.  After all, that's what Christianity is about isn't it... our opinion of what the scripture is telling us?  If you attend bible study in many churches today you might be inclined to think that.  And opinions are fine... for what they are... opinions.  However, at some point you have to put aside opinion and look into the scripture.  Then, at this point there might be room for some interpretation (but if you're going to go into that you need to spend time with the original Greek/Hebrew) but by and large the scripture is pretty much black and white (and red and white depending on your translation). 

So lets look at this piece of advice Susanna gave her son and consider the scriptural relevance.   James addresses this thought very well.  In chapter three of the book of James he addresses the tongue... how double-edged it can be (v. 10).  Then he says "...this should not be" (Ouch)!  The rest of chapters three and four explain to us how our lives are driven from the inside... from our hearts.  If our hearts are on the things of this earth then our lives (and our tongues) will be likewise motivated.  In other words what we say (and how we say it) is pretty much what we are on the inside.

What James is communicating in these chapters is that every aspect of a Christian's life should be based on and come out from our submission to and our love for Christ.  And he gets a bit more personal than that.  He says that "friendship with the world is hatred toward God" (4:4).  What does that mean?  It means that putting on our "Jesus clothes" on Sunday morning for church and then hanging them up for the rest of the week is giving us exactly what we want... the appearance of Christanity without the substance (or without the effort).  It means that studying your bible for two hours a week and then looking at twenty hours a week of trash on television or the internet is doing absolutely nothing for our relationship with Christ.  In fact he says it's hatred (or hostility) toward God.  He even covers the heart in these matters in 4:3 when he says when we do ask we don't receive because our motives aren't pure.  Why are our motives not pure?  Because we are a friend to the world... and not to God (Ouch again).

Basically, we need to get real with our relationship with Christ.  If we want to be like Christ we need to be surrendered to Christ... completely. 

Lastly, James leaves us with a serious challenge.  In 4:17 (NIV) he says "anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins" .  Other translations say, "to him it is sin".  This makes it personal.  We can't point our fingers at anyone else now because James has shown us that the life we live is all up to us.  We either fully submit to Christ or we don't.  We're either a friend of God or we're hostile toward God.  

Now, go back and read again the answer Susanna Wesley gave her son.  Then ask yourself, "what is sin to me"?

"Little Miss Get Well Soon"

Do (or did) you ever find yourself in a situation with your child where you have to decide whether you are going to nurture or discourage a behavior?  Honestly, if you have children over 18 months and haven't come to that point you might need to reconsider your parenting approach.  In fact, we should be helping to guide our children from day one.  Show me a parent who isn't helping to guide their child's development and I'll show you a child the teacher (or daycare worker) dreads to see coming. 

Lacey, our four-year-old, is by far the most outspoken of our three girls.  I have told Dana more than once that she has the privilege of raising me all over again.  I see so much of myself in Lacey... the good and the bad.  Let's start with the bad.

Lacey isn't one to fall on the floor and throw a screaming fit... we have guided her away from that.  In fact, Lacey, like her sisters, is a very well behaved child.  However, Lacey does have some differences of personality from her sisters.  Lacey is very "high-strung" (at least that's what I was called.  Maybe that was just a nice way of saying I was hyperactive).  She is also a very determined little girl.  She has to have an explanation.  With the other girls a reply like "because I said so" worked very well... however, not so well with Lacey.  For instance, when we would tell Lacey to be quiet she would get very upset and say, "can't I just say something"?    So how do you guide someone who is so determined, inquisitive and insistent?  I'll let you know when I've figured it out.

On the good side, and this is the reason for this post, Lacey is one of the most sympathetic people I've ever known.  While most children her age are so involved in play or a meal or a television show, Lacey seems to always be acutely aware of what's going on around her.  My concern here is that as she gets older she, like me, becomes overwhelmed by all the stimuli around her.  And this does seem to come out often in the evening when she's begins to tire.  However, her acute awareness of her surroundings has shown us something wonderful about her.  Lacey is very concerned with other people's problems.  When someone is struggling you can see her struggling with them.  It shows on her face.  We've watched her comfort another child her age who is throwing a fit because they didn't get something.  She is not the least bit concerned with why they're crying (as we adults often are) but only that they are suffering and she wants so much to help make it better.

Lacey is our "Little Miss Get Well Soon".  When someone is sick she is going to do something to help them feel better.  Her first task is to draw them a picture.  She always decides the topic of the drawing.  Then she will get with someone to help her write a letter.  Just last night Dana was sitting on our bed resting with a heating pad on her knees (long story).  And during our bedtime prayer time Lacey informed her mother that she was "going to do something special for you tomorrow to help you feel better".   She is always making something special for some of our Senior church members who have been in the hospital.  She has a genuine desire to do anything she can to help people in their suffering.

The best word for Lacey's feelings is compassion.  Websters defines compassion as "sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it".  And we want to encourage that virtue.  But we want to do it correctly... there is a fine line between being compassionate and being a busy-body.  That fine line is self and we want to make sure that, for Lacey, self is in the right place.

When a person sees someone in distress they respond in a number of ways, but they're all pretty much defined by where one sees oneself in relation to another person's distress.  Lacey sees herself in a position to do something to help.  What does that mean?  Well, it means she thinks less of herself in this situation and more of the other person.  She is willing to sacrifice of herself to help the other person feel better... to the point that she acts on it.  This begs another question.  Is compassion really compassion if you don't act?  Notice the definition above says nothing about acting on it.  It simply conveys a desire to act.  Think about that.

The flip side would be Lacey seeing a person in distress and first considering how their situation affects Lacey.  It doesn't seem like much but there is a vast difference between the two responses.  It's about priorities.  If self is first then the other person is last.  If the other person is first then self is last.

So in considering how to guide Lacey in this area I realized that I really need more guidance than Lacey.  Lacey is doing what she can while I often do nothing.  How do I become more compassionate (and act on it)?  James 14:7 says "Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins".  I guess this means I just have to man up!  If I don't know what to do to help someone in distress maybe I should just go up and ask them!  At the very least I should stop right there and ask God to show me what to do.  In fact, before I ever arrive at this point I should be praying for insight and looking for opportunities!  After all, we do have everything we need to be prepared for a situation like this, don't we?  It's actually a little shameful when I think about it.  My four-year-old is teaching me a lesson straight out of scripture. 

Be Prepared!! 

James 1:22-24 (NIV) - Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.

How Quickly Does God Answer Prayer?

This may seem insignificant to some, but something amazing happened at our house last night and I had to put it up here as a great example of answered prayer.

Our cat Junior disappeared two days ago.  He is one to stay out all night but he is always at the door the next morning dying for something to eat.  However, yesterday he wasn't there.  He was gone all day yesterday and at bedtime last night Lauren was pretty upset.  Lauren always puts the cats up at night (if she can find them) and was hoping Junior would show up. 

So Dana said, "Let's pray about it". She gathered the girls in Lauren's room and they said a prayer asking God to help Junior find his way back home.

In the meantime while I was sitting in the living room watching the news (I had no idea what was going on in Lauren's room) I heard the familiar deep "meow" from Junior outside so I opened the front door and let him in.  And there was much rejoicing!

What I didn't realize until later was that the "meow" I had heard came at precisely the time (almost to the second) the girls ended their prayer.  So, in a mater of a few seconds after the prayer, the girls were able to hear Junior meowing as he came in the front door.

Again, this may not seem like a significant thing to many.  However, I'm convinced that we don't often consider God's work in our lives as something significant.  In fact I believe most of His work goes completely unnoticed by us because we say a prayer and then go off and shortly forget about it.  But this time was different.  There wasn't time to forget.  What a teaching moment for the girls (and for their parents)! 

I have to consider... if we were more diligent in our prayer lives, not just praying once for someone or something but repeatedly and often, and if we were more observant in our daily lives, we would probably be able to see more of God's work in our lives.  And if we were able to see more of God's work, how much more faith might we have? 

"Pray without ceasing." 1Th 5:17
 
God help me to be diligent in my prayer life and to be observant in my daily life, looking for and expecting to see Your work done!
 
 

What's Really Important?

After lunch today at work I decided I needed some caffeine. So I went to the machine to buy a can of Mountain Dew. When I retrieved the can I was most irritated to find it was hot. Apparently the machine is broken as some in the office had noticed the problem the previous day (and failed to put a note on it). No big deal... I got a cup, put some ice in it and poured in the Dew. I'm not one to dilute my Dew with ice but this was a special situation.

Once I poured the Dew I realized I also needed a chocolate fix. So I made a trip to the ground floor to buy a candy bar (no I don't count calories... instead, I exercise). Even as I made my way from the elevator to the vending machine I was dwelling on the hot Dew and what I was going to do to help remedy the situation.

Just then I rounded a corner and noticed three EMTs tending to our building custodian as he sat there in a corner of his little storage room. There were others in the room watching as they checked his blood pressure. Immediately I was confronted with the fact that I had spent the last ten minutes fuming over a hot Mountain Dew while this man just could be fighting for his life.

On my way back upstairs I said a prayer for him and began to contemplate why I had let myself get so worked up over nothing.

We live in a world that compels us to be self-absorbed. Televisions shows, television and magazine ads, movies and even many Christian televangelists tell us how wecan be this and we can be that. At some point we begin to feel we are really important!! And so we begin again, just as we did when we were toddlers, to look at life through our "me" glasses. How does this affect me? What is that going to do for me? What's in it for me? Finally, we end up feeling so self-important that the nothing events in our lives become world-ending disasters. "Why should I have to deal with a hot Mountain Dew"??

In the last half of Matthew 6, Jesus points out to the disciples they don't need to be concerned over the little things... things like "what will I wear" and "what will I eat". What's funny is we think those are big things. But Jesus didn't. What Jesus ends up saying is, "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things (what will I eat, what will I wear) will be added to you".

So what is important? Well, apparently the kingdom of God is important. But where is the kingdom of God? Some say it's exists now as a spiritual kingdom. I can't disagree with that. But how do I seek it? Three things... prayer, Bible study and meditation.

If I focus more on that kingdom what will it do to me? Well, first I would be spending less time on other things, right? if I'm normally spending my time dwelling on a lot of useless things, this would be a plus!

Second, my mindset will begin to change. I begin to perceive things in a different light. I will begin to see things around me from a Godly perspective and from not from a worldly (television/movies/politicians/Oprah) perspective.

It's always good when I'm reminded of my own self-absorption. It definitely made me feel guilty finding myself in this state and being shocked out of it by a sight like the one I saw today. Please pray for this nice old man, our custodian!

Boysenberries!!

My coworkers have been saying I'm a bit obsessed with my berry-picking.  So I decided to add this to my blog.  If you look at the picture to the right you'll see boysenberries.  I found these today while picking.  For perspective I put a quarter in the middle of the boysenberries.  Yes, they're HUGE! 

So what is a boysenberry (Tre, help me out here)?  I found from wisegeek.com that they're a cross between a blackberry, a loganberry (a what?) and a raspberry.  We had boysenberries next to our house in Murfreesboro, AR when I was growing up.  Each spring I'd spend a few days picking them so as to have a mess of preserves through the winter.  Mom would always oblige!! 

So, the blackberries I've been picking aren't nearly this big.  However they're huge for blackberries.  I've determined these are hybrids.  Cabot has always been known for the farmland around it and I'm convinced these might have been left over from those days. 

I went again today and picked about a gallon before getting rained out.  I was aiming for two gallons! 

Which brings me to the point here.  Why do I love to pick berries?  I hadn't really thought about it until this year.  Since I was a child I loved berry-picking... but why?  I guess for a lot of reasons.  I love the taste of ripe berries.  I love the preserves and cobblers that are made.  I also just love getting outside away from everything and everyone and being alone with nature. 

However, I think the primary reason I love picking berries is I just can't bear the thought of those berries going to waste!  There is something inside me that just drives me to do it.  I'm sure it's much more complicated though... maybe I love the feeling that I've harvested something that cost me nothing (other than a few chiggers and scratches all over my hands).  And that will then become something (preserves) that I will be able to enjoy for months to come.  In essence I've gained something at little or no cost.  Maybe this was instilled in my by my parents when I was young.

So, this is a great opportunity to teach my girls about being enterprising... about making the best of opportunities given.  Lauren helped pick (a little... before it got too hot and she got tired of the briars) and Lindsey jumped in and helped with making the preservers... she even made a cobbler! 

"Who can find a virtuous wife?  For her worth is far above rubies." Proverbs 31:10

God Words

A couple of weeks ago, sitting in worship, I noticed Lacey (Our three-yr-old) was using a crayon to highlight words on our worship lyric sheets.  I leaned over and asked what she was doing.  She said, "I'm finding God words"!  She was going through the entire sheet and highlighting words like God, Jesus, Lord or Savior.

So I took a minute to help her (don't tell the pastor).  It fascinated me that she was excited about finding "God words" in the song lyrics.  With all the things she could do during the sermon... color, play with a doll or one of her storm-trooper action figures, she chose to get the lyric sheet out and look for "God words"!

This really got me to thinking.  How often do I put aside the things I'd rather be doing and look for "God words"?  Let's change that a bit.  How often do I put aside the things I'd rather be doing and look for "God's Word"?  When I'd rather be watching a movie or perusing Facebook, wouldn't it be better to take that time to sit down with God's Word and see what He wants me to do?

You can learn a lot from a child.

Stimulus

At first glance you might have thought this post was about the economy.  Wrong!  It's about my life and how I have coped with myself over the past 45 years.

Two years ago I found myself completely overwhelmed by my work.  I was stressed to the point that I had little control over my own emotions... whether or not I was working.  I was losing the ability to make decisions and therefore to get work done.  I found myself experiencing a level of, well, despair, I never thought I, as a Christian, would have to deal with.

I recall Marilla Cuthbert (Anne of Green Gables) making the statement, "To despair is to turn your back on God".  While the Anne movies don't contain much in the way of the spiritual, I have to admit I took that quote to heart.  So what did I do about my stress?  Nothing.  I went to work every day and I came home and had a breakdown every evening (I won't go into details on this, but if you've been there you know what I'm talking about).  I guess I had convinced myself I just didn't have a problem.  If I did, it would mean I wasn't putting my trust in God... wouldn't it?

This went on until finally my stress at work eased enough for me to think more clearly.   I realized I had to do something immediately before things became worse.  The first person I contacted was my pastor.  I discussed my problems and asked him for direction.  I'll be completely honest.  I didn't expect any answers from my pastor.  Not that I don't think highly of him... I certainly do!  It's just that he's a pastor, not a psychologist.  We talked a bit and he gave me the name of a Christian counselor to call.  I did visit with the counselor but I honestly didn't feel like he was the person I needed to see.

One day I had lunch with a good friend.  I decided to open up to him a bit and tell him of my troubles.  To my surprise, my friend could sympathize.  He had been there... had experienced the stress I was experiencing.  He referred me to a counselor, Doug, who was a human resources specialist and a career counselor.  Now, I didn't know this man from Adam, but something was telling me I needed to see him.  So I called him and set up a meeting.

Doug and I had a breakfast meeting.  On our first visit I knew this was someone who genuinely cared for my well-being and wanted to help.  What Doug wanted was to do a personality evaluation, something I've done many times before in one form or another.  I was not impressed.  However, this evaluation was much more in-depth than any I'd done before.  Doug also wanted to bring Dana into the picture and have her take the evaluation as well.

Through the evaluation Dana and I learned a lot about ourselves.  We learned that we are very different in the type of affirmations we desire.  I then learned that I was the type of person who was continually absorbing a massive amount of stimulus.  If it was coming my way I was taking it in.  This meant my mind was trying to process so much information it would eventually become overwhelmed.  That's when I would "zone out".  Doug's explanation of my evaluation results fit so perfectly with my life.  Someone who was easily distracted, unable to function in a very loud or "busy" environment and often unable to make decisions.  This meant I was often unable to complete seemingly simple tasks.  I was a great starter but not so much a great finisher.  I now knew why my mind was continually processing something, anything, everything that came its way. 

I now think back to college and consider how difficult it was for me to study while in the dorm or while knowing I could be doing many other things.  It's now clear to me why I chose the many other things over studying... because they didn't require the level of focus studying did.  I know what you're thinking... "nobody wanted to study in college".  Yes, but for me it was much worse.  I could make up my mind to study, go to the library, sit and stare at a book for hours and have learned nothing.   Why?  Because every noise, every cough, sneeze, turn of a page, squeak of a door hinge... every sight, every scent... everything, distracted me from my main focus. 

I took Doug's initial advice and began to eliminate distraction from my workplace.  I tidied my desk.  I disabled the notification beeps and pop-ups on my computer's email.  These things did make some difference.  I was definitely able to maintain focus for longer periods of time.  However that still wasn't enough. I still wasn't able to focus the way I needed to in order to do my job adequately.  Doug had shown me what was possible and I didn't believe I was anywhere close to that.

I had two options at this point.  Either find another, less stressful job or take that step I had been dreading for months... see a shrink.

Early in 2009 I began seeing a licensed counselor.  After listening to me for only a few minutes he prescribed a medication for me.  Now I am not a fan of prescription medications!  I just don't like the thought of making myself dependent on drugs.  However, I began taking the prescription.  I just finally decided it was worth a try.  I found out very quickly that it worked... and worked wonderfully!  For the first time I was able to really focus intently on what I needed to do.  My stress level dropped almost completely away and my productivity increase dramatically.  Now, when I awoke in the mornings, I felt eager to go to work.  This was a far cry from the dread with which I had been getting up mornings.

Now to the present (well, almost).  A few weeks ago I began having some really intense skin allergies.  The only catalyst Dana and I could find was that the medication I was taking had changed in appearance (while the pharmacist assured me it was still the same medication).  My counselor's office had me come off the prescription immediately and for an entire week.  It was at this point I began to fully realize just how much better my condition had gotten.  When the medication was completely out of my system I found I was extremely sensitive to noises.  My stress level had gone up dramatically, and for no real reason.  Other employees talking in the office became very distracting and stressful to me.  I would call down the girls if the got very loud.  I began to have trouble sleeping again as my mind didn't want to go to sleep but wanted to relive every event of the past day.

It appears the medication was helping to buffer all the many stimuli that were streaming in... allowing me to focus on the tasks at hand. I found I was completely overwhelmed at this sudden new exposure to the torrent of stimuli I had lived with for so many years.  You might compare it to drinking from a fire hose... more than I can handle.

I was finally able to get back on the medication and things have since returned to normal (or the new normal).  Looking back I have to say it was a blessing to have this little hiccup occur.  If I had not come off the medication the way I did I might never have been able to experience so freshly the indescribable attack on my senses I experienced.

I now completely understood the world in which I had lived.  Additionally I felt a great deal of regret.  What if I had been able to overcome this as a child or as a teenager?  How might my life have been different?  Where would I be today?  This regret didn't last for long.  Looking at my beautiful wife and children, I have to believe I'm exactly where God wanted me! 

From a Christian perspective this revelation has shown me a few things.  First of all... it is okay to go to a doctor.  Just because we're Christians doesn't mean we are always going to be perfectly healthy and well adjusted.

Second, It has also given me a new perspective with which to organize and plan my life.  As a result of the stimuli, I had over the years become more and more distanced from social life.  I found myself content to sit at home, watch a movie... whatever involves encountering the least amount of stimulus.  I see that beginning to change now.  I'm able to make more decisions, able to sift through the noise and focus on what I need to do.  I'm able to get off the couch and go read my bible or grab a paint brush and do something constructive. 

That's not all.  I now look at our 3-yr-old Lacey in a different light.  I've used the term "over-sensitive" often in describing Lacey.  Now I see that is 100% accurate.  Lacey is often overwhelmed by stimulus.  She becomes over-stressed about things with which most people would not have the slightest problem.  Accompanying this is a greatly heightened sense of empathy.  She becomes very concerned when someone else is having trouble, is hurt or is sick.  It upsets her greatly if she can't help.

What's amazing is how similar Lacey's personality is to my own when I was her age.  I was a very excitable child who was easily stressed and overwhelmed by situations.  I was often overly emotional over things that were really no big deal (I still am).  Lacey is so different than her older sisters, who are both very laid back.  Lacey is anything but laid back!

I sincerely believe God has used Lacey to help me in my effort to learn how to deal with myself.  Raising Lacey is much like being able to take a step back from myself, watch and learn... or, at the least, understand.  We understand Lacey very well.  We know that she must take breaks and mentally rest from her overload of stimulus once in awhile.  In the same way I find it helps for me to get away from the real world more often... go workout, disappear for a day.

Isn't it amazing how God places situations in your path to help you understand what you're doing?  He asks us to go on faith, not knowing what is to come.  Then, on the path, he begins to give us insight into His plan.  We begin to see how complex and wonderful God's plans are and we feel so privileged just be a part of them!

"Can fever go sideways"?

Last week Lacey was under the weather.  Her temperature was running around 101 to 102 and she was pretty miserable with a stuffy nose and a cough.  So Dana set her up a "nest" on the couch like she has with all the girls when they are sick... a TV tray next to the couch with tissues, water and anything else they may need. 

I had come home from work and was sitting in the living room with Lacey, Dana Lauren and Dana and I were discussing Lacey's fever going up and down.  Dana left the room and Lacey showed just how deeply she can think.  She said, "Lauren, does fever go sideways"?  In our discussion of her fever going up and down she began to wonder what that meant... so she surmised it must be able to go sideways as well.

This really showed me how much like her Daddy Lacey really is.  I was always lost in though as a child.  I was trying to solve the problems of the world... and what I knew of the world was what drove my thought processes.  You see, Lacey heard the words "up and down" and, I'm certain, envisioned something bouncing or moving up and down. 

This just goes to show how different our thought processes are from our childrens' thought processes.  They have a very limited view of the world and that view is all they have to shape the way they see things.

When I go to a movie that may be rated PG-13 and see parents with their small children I have to wonder what in the world they must be thinking (the parents that is).  How could you expect your child to watch a movie that is far beyond their comprehension and not be affected by it?  Why would you expect your child to watch a movie and not think this is just the way people should act? 

I feel such anger towards parents who do this and such pity for the children who find themselves subjected to adult situations they should have never been asked to deal with at such a young age.  They are going to grow up with such a malformed view of how they should behave in this world. 

So when I hear my little girl asking "can fever go sideways" I have to thank God for instilling in me a strong desire to raise my children apart from today's Hollywood and as close to God as possible.  Lacey will grow up with a Christ-like perspective on the world... and, God willing, she will become a trusted friend, a peacemaker, a hard worker, a helper, a loving wife and mother.  When someone around her becomes sick she will know that fever doesn't go sideways... and that she can help.  She will be a witness for Christ and will help lead many to the Lord. 

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. " (Prov 22:6)

Louella

Friday, March 19th

For the past ten years we've sponsored a beautiful girl who lives in an orphanage in southern Arkansas.  Her name is Louella.  When Louella was seven we got to meet her, her two older sisters and her older brother for the first time.  Because they all lived in the orphanage members of our church decided to sponsor the children.  We decided to sponsor Louella... Since she was the same age as our girls we thought they would all get along very well.

I can still recall the unbridled joy on our girls' faces when we told them we were going to sponsor Louella.  Whenever it was she came to see us the girls became so excited.  Now, ten years later, our girls are 13 and 15... and we have a 3-year-old girl to boot.  They still get excited when Louella comes... and that excitement has rubbed off on our little one.

Today Louella is coming for spring break just as she has for the past ten years.  Only this will be the last time she will come as a child of the orphanage.  She graduates high school this spring.... so after this she will be an adult and will be making her own decisions.  I have to admit, I'm a little apprehensive.  I find myself wondering whether she will continue to visit on her own or if she will move into her own world and not have time for us.

Whatever path Louella chooses we know that God placed her in our household.  We know we have done what we could over the past ten years to help be a family for her... a Christian family that she will want to emulate later on. 

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.  (3Jn 1:4)

Much like being a parent... starting a blog is all new territory. I'm going to start here and we'll see how things go. First off let me tell you this... I'm not an any way licensed to give professional advice to parents. So don't go telling your doctor I said this or that. What you hear from me is based on experience... not schoolroom study. Some might say that's a good thing.

The reason I selected the title of "Being A Parent" was becuase a parent needs to be apparent to their children. This it my first and by far most important advice to anyone looking to be a parent.  Never force your child to guess what you're thinking. Be consistent in the way you discipline your children. I'm speaking to both positive and negative senses.

Your child will crave boundaries. If you don't keep consistent boundaries a few things will happen. First, your child will always be looking for them and this will be the times when parents observe their children pushing the envelope... testing the waters... looking for your breaking point... that's where the boundary is.

Second, your child will be insecure. The misconception here is that, if I allow my child to explore the world on their own it will build their self-esteem and they will grow as a person. A child who does not have boundaries will always be insecure... wondering if their parents (and their friends) approve of them.

This is where the negative and positive statement comes in. Discipline is teaching... it covers punishment and reward. If you are consistent in punishment and inconsistent in rewards you will have a child that is afraid to do anything. On the contrary, if you are inconsistent in punishment and consistent in rewards your child will not be afraid to do anything. In fact, he or she will learn not to trust you as a parent. If you are inconsistent in both then you are asking for a life of misery.

Consistency! It's one of the most important things to remember in parenting!!